I've had so very many thoughts jumping around inside my head as of late. Moments of utter mental chaos as well as clarity. I suppose that is life and our progression within it. I don't write this seeking validaion or sympathy, I simply feel like I need to document these very real parts of my life. This past week has been a bit of an emotional challenge. I was forced to take some 'me' time last week when strep, a very unwelcome visitor, hit me. This meant that this week the laundry list of chores felt as if it rolled down the hall and out the door. I attacked each day, accomplishing many of the tasks I had assingned to myself. But found myself feeling overwhelmed and discouraged in the evening wondering how I could make time to accomplish so many of the good things that I wanted to. Mow lawn, clean house, clean children, clean clothes, clean house (those with small children understand the endlessness of this endeavor), plant flowers, spray weeds, attend play groups, go to the library, get groceries, banking and bill paying, update my blog with all the exciting things our little family has been doing, snuggle and read books with sweet little people, exercise, and my mental list continues. Throw some night shifts in the mix and shake for good measure. Why do I do this? I realize that I am not alone in this experience, and many can relate to these moments. Why does it take a few days of emotional madness to finally regroup and remember that I'm enough? That I am doing all I can and that is just great. Yes, I may not have exercised today, I may have clutter in my house and weeds in my yard but I've done my best today and tomorrow I can try again.
Many times as I struggle through these moments I discover that I am farther from my Savior and Father in heaven than I should be. I am trying to do all these things by myself and often a change in my spiritual habits can change my outlook on my still long list of chores.
On a lighter note, my amazing sister-in-law Mallory is visiting us this weekend. She is a breath of fresh air and I adore every moment I get to spend with her. I love our conversations, no matter how short they may be. She has such insight and passion for life and I truly admire the amazing woman that she is. She is an incredible and doting aunt, and the girls have been especially thrilled to have her here. I have especially appreciated her help today, giving me the chance to catch a pre work nap and watching the kiddos for me.
4 comments:
Aubry, you seem like just the best mom! I'm truly amazed that all those chores would even be on your to-do list! You're amazing! Keep up the great work mamma!
Sometimes I get to the end of the day and am SO wiped. I was busy all day long and yet did not get one single thing accomplished. I aim for the same perspective, to let things go, to know that as the kids grow, some of that physical burden and laundry list of things to do will back off. But man, it's a daily struggle for sure. You seem to be keeping your head about you just fine :)
Aubs, I love and miss you so much! I can't wait to give you a big hug when I see you! Hang in there sis... you are incredible and I look up to you so much. A mama's job is so hard, exhausting, and never ending but these moments are so special. You are such an inspiration. You are doing what you can and that is just perfect!
Aubs, thanks so much for letting me come visit and spend time with you and your family. I think my heart might overflow sometimes with how much I love those sweet three kids of yours. You, my dear, are honestly one of my heros. You do so much and somehow manage to be super mom, working mom and just an incredible human being. I love you and look up to you more than you know. Thank you for being a part of our family. I love you.
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